"A non sequitur is a literary device; in comedy (as opposed to in formal logic), it is a comment which, due to its lack of meaning relative to the comment it follows, is absurd to the point of being humorous. Its use can be deliberate or unintentional. Literally, it is Latin for "it does not follow"." Link.
This is a complete list of all the non sequiturs I have in my /dev/random box in the right column.
I laughed, I cried, it moved me Bob.
You can't escape from cranky grapes.
Um, why is there a piano on my cake?
Does this mean I can't pretend to be Larry Boy anymore?
I. AM. THAT. HERO.
Can God make me a chicken? I've always wanted to be a chicken.
There are two things you don't do in Persia. One of them is try to drop a piano on a king's head.
I laughed, I cried, it moved me Bob.
You can't escape from cranky grapes.
Does this mean I can't pretend to be Larry Boy anymore?
I. AM. THAT. HERO.
Can God make me a chicken? I've always wanted to be a chicken.
There are two things you don't do in Persia. One of them is try to drop a piano on a king's head.
Oh look! It's a Cebu!
Oh wait, that's a water buffalo.
Do you remember the time we dipped you in tar and stuck you to the backside of an angry water buffalo?
Usta!
I never thought I'd need a radar guided spatula!
pobré tomaté
Que suaves movimientos, es como matequilla en un chango pelon.
No comprendo?! I'll show YOU no comprendo!
It's so hard to run with this sombrero on my head!
You are his cheeseburger!
This is a song for your poor sick pengiun.
Beware of grape with wooden mallet.
I am gesticulating wildly.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
man, the weather gets nice in GR, people start drinking, and all hell breaks loose
I'm Luke Skywalker, and I'm here to save you.
Whenever I get a drink at McDonald's I think of their straws having a "wide bandwidth."
Junior mints are good.
You can't shake hands with the devil and say you're only kidding.
All that remains is clog dancing and macrame.
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!
Stercus nil poliendum.
I'm just beginning to think that space oats isn't the answer.
Remember, only you can prevent bunny punchings.
Success is a whole lot better than suckage.
The next time you plan on ejecting me from a speeding airplane, please let me know ahead of time so I can plan to be on vacation that day.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
You can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
No matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved (and never will achieve) its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
You should not confuse your career/job with your life.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
